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Emily Tavis was on a first date in December when she looked up and realized they were driving past the downtown Kansas City, Missouri, intersection where a bullet ripped through her leg at last year’s Super Bowl victory parade.

“Oh f—,” Tavis said, bewildering her date.

She lives 35 miles away in Leavenworth, Kansas, and hadn’t yet returned to Union Station, where the mass shooting happened. She felt like crying. Or maybe it was a panic attack. She held up a finger signaling to her date that she needed a moment. That’s when it hit him, too.

“Oh crap, I didn’t even realize,” he said, and kept driving in silence.

Tavis sucked in her tears until the station was out of view.

“So anyway,” she said aloud, while thinking to herself, “way to go. Panic attack, first date.”

A year after the Feb. 14 shooting that killed one and injured at least 24 people, the survivors and their families are still reeling. Relationships have strained. Parents are anxious about their children. The generous financial support and well wishes that poured through in early days have now dried up. And they’re ambivalent about the team they all root for; as the Chiefs moved on to another Super Bowl, many wondered why their beloved team hasn’t acknowledged what they have all been going through.

“I can’t believe the Chiefs didn’t do anything for us,” said Jacob Gooch Sr., who was shot in the foot. The team, the owner family’s foundation, and the National Football League gave a combined $200,000 to a fund for survivors, but Gooch said no one from the organization reached out to his family, three members of whom were shot.

What’s happening to these families is far from unusual. Many survivors emotionally freeze as a coping mechanism to avoid fully feeling the trauma they suffered. But with time, survivors experience what therapists call “thawing,” and the intensity of what happened can suddenly overpower them like it did Tavis.

“Trauma pulls us into the past,” said , a therapist who published a based on his work with witnesses of the 9/11 attacks in New York.

Sights, smells, sounds, tastes, and touches can all trigger flashbacks that shut down the brain like an overloaded circuit breaker. It’s a survival response, Behrman said; the brain is a friend.

The key to recovery is to help survivors find healthy ways to manage those triggers — when they are ready.

Survivors thaw at their own pace. Regaining control after a life-threatening event is a process that can take weeks, months, or years.

It can be hard not to feel forgotten when life carries on around them. As fans rallied around the Chiefs this season, survivors found it hard to watch the games. The Chiefs lost to the Philadelphia Eagles in Sunday’s Super Bowl. Philadelphia will hold its own parade on Friday, exactly one year after the shooting.

“It sucks because everybody else went on,” Jason Barton said. He performed CPR on a man he now thinks was one of the alleged shooters, his wife found a bullet slug in her backpack, and his stepdaughter was burned by sparks from a ricocheted bullet.

“If we were on the other side of that place, we would too,” he said. “It wouldn’t have affected us.”

A Trip Back to Union Station

Tavis isn’t the only survivor to have found herself unintentionally back at Union Station in the year since the shooting. Kids had field trips to Science City, located inside the station. Follow-up doctor visits were often on nearby Hospital Hill. An October dinner organized for survivors by a local faith-based group was less than a mile away, prompting one young survivor to decline the invitation.

Tavis had planned to return to Union Station as part of her healing process. She thought she would go on the one-year mark to have a moment alone to feel whatever emotions swept over her there.

Maybe God was showing her she was ready by placing her back there unexpectedly, her therapist told her. Maybe. But she didn’t feel ready in that moment.

Tavis wanted to see a therapist right after the shooting. But she didn’t seek one out until July, after the local United Way distributed financial assistance to survivors and relieved the months-long financial strain of lost work and medical bills incurred by many. Tavis and her partner at the time had taken out an extra credit card to cover expenses while they waited for the promised help.

After two months of visits, her therapist started prepping Tavis for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, a technique to help trauma survivors. She now spends every other session making her way through a spreadsheet of memories from the parade, visualizing and reprocessing them one by one.

She’s nervous as the one-year mark approaches. It’s on Valentine’s Day, and she worries it’ll be depressing.

She decided to invite Gooch, her former partner, to come to Union Station with her that day. Despite everything, he’s the one who understands. They were at the parade together with their son and Jacob’s two older kids. Both Gooch Sr. and his older son, Jacob Gooch Jr., were also shot.

Trauma Changes Who We Are

Gooch Sr. hasn’t worked since the parade. His job required standing for 10-hour shifts four days a week, but he couldn’t walk for months after a bullet shattered a bone in his foot and it slowly fused back together. He hoped to go back to work in July. But his foot didn’t heal correctly and he had surgery in August, followed by weeks of recovery.

His short-term disability ran out, as did his health insurance through work. His employer held his job for a while before releasing him in August. He’s applied for other jobs in and around Leavenworth: production, staffing agencies, auto repair. Nothing’s come through.

“We’ve all gone through problems, not just me,” Gooch Sr. said. “I got shot in my foot and haven’t worked for a year. There are people that have been through much worse stuff over the past year.”

He feels good walking now and can run short distances without pain. But he doesn’t know if he’ll ever play football again, a mainstay of his life since he can remember. He played safety for the semiprofessional and, before the parade, the 38-year-old was considering making the 2024 season his last as a player.

“A lot more than football has been stolen from me in this last year. Like my whole life has been stolen from me,” Gooch Sr. said. “I really hate that part of it.”

And those emotions are painfully real. Trauma threatens our beliefs about ourselves, said Behrman, the therapist. Every person brings their own history to a traumatic event, a different identity that risks being shattered. The healing work that comes later often involves letting go and building something new.

Recently Gooch Sr. started going to a , led by the husband of someone he sang with in a children’s choir growing up. At a Sunday service this month, the pastor spoke about finding a path when you’re lost.

“I’m looking for the path. I’m in the grass right now,” Gooch Sr. said at his home later that evening.

“I’m obviously on a path, but I don’t know where I’m headed.”

‘I Did the Best I Could’

Every day before Jason Barton goes to work, he asks his wife, Bridget, if he should stay home with her.

She’s said yes enough that he’s out of paid time off. Jason, who’s survived cancer and a heart attack, had to take unpaid leave in January when a bad case of the flu put him in the hospital. That’s real love, Bridget said with tearful eyes, sitting with Jason and her 14-year-old daughter, Gabriella, in their home in Osawatomie, Kansas.

Bridget has connected with the mother of another girl injured in the shooting. They’ve exchanged texts and voicemails throughout the year. It’s nice to have someone to talk to who gets it, Bridget said. They’re hoping to get the girls together to build a connection as well.

Except for a trip to therapy once a week, Bridget doesn’t leave the house much anymore. It can feel like a prison, she said, but she’s too scared to leave. “It’s my own internal hell,” she said. She keeps thinking about that bullet slug that lodged in her backpack. What if she’d been standing differently? What if they’d left 10 seconds earlier? Would things be different?

A Post-it note in her kitchen reminds her: “I’m safe. Gabriella is safe. I did the best I could.”

She carries a lot of guilt. About Jason staying home. About not leaving the house, even to see her grandkids. About wanting the family to go to the parade in the first place. At the same time, she knows she kind of thrived in the chaos after the shooting, taking charge of her daughter, talking to the police. It’s confusing.

The family has carried the trauma differently. In the six months after the parade, Jason watched reality TV shows that kept him out of his head — 23 seasons of “Deadliest Catch” and 21 seasons of “Gold Rush,” including spinoffs, he estimated. Lately he’s kept his mind occupied with a new hobby: building model cars and planes. He just finished a black 1968 Shelby Mustang, and next is an F4U-4 Corsair plane that Bridget got him.

Gabriella was unfazed about returning to Union Station for a class field trip to Science City, but she was startled when she saw a group of police officers inside the station. Her mom watched her location on her phone and texted her all day.

Gabriella took up boxing after the parade, then switched to wrestling. It had been going well, even felt empowering. But she’s stopped going, and Bridget thinks it’s partly due to the emotion of the anniversary — the first is always the hardest, her therapist said. Gabriella insisted that wrestling was just exhausting her.

Because they weren’t shot, the family didn’t benefit from resources available to other survivors. They understand that other families are recovering from bullet wounds or even mourning a death.

Still, it would be nice to have some acknowledgment of their emotional trauma. Their names have been in the news. You’d think the Chiefs would have at least sent a letter saying, “We’re sorry this happened to you,” Jason said.

Jason proposed to Bridget at a Chiefs game. Now watching games on TV triggers flashbacks.

“I want to be a part of Chiefs Kingdom again,” Bridget said, “but I just can’t. And that is a huge, really lonely feeling.”

‘There Is a Word Called “Resilience”’

One evening last October, survivors gathered with their families at a Mexican restaurant in downtown Kansas City.

Some came dressed in their Sunday best, some in red football jerseys. All ages, toddlers to 70-somethings, some from Missouri, some from Kansas. Some spoke only Spanish, some only English. Most of the two dozen people had never met before. But as they talked, they discovered the shooting that binds them also gave them a common language.

Two young boys realized they’d tossed a football during the jubilation before the violence erupted. A woman in her early 70s named Sarai Holguin remembered watching them play on that warm February day. After a blessing and dinner, Holguin, who was shot in the knee and has had four surgeries, stood to address the room.

“I was the first victim taken to the medical tent,” she said in Spanish, her words translated by a relative of another survivor. She saw everything, she explained, as, one by one, more survivors were brought to the tent for treatment, including Lisa Lopez-Galvan, a 43-year-old mother who was killed that day.

Yet in that tragedy, Holguin saw the beauty of people helping one another.

“This showed us that humanity is still alive, that love is still alive. There is a word called ‘resilience,’” Holguin said, the translator stumbling to understand the last word, as people in the audience caught it and shouted it out. “Resilience.”

“This word helps us overcome the problems we face,” Holguin said. “To try to put the tragic moment we all lived behind us and move on, we must remember the beautiful moments.”

Related Topics

• Health Care Costs
• Mental Health
• Public Health
• States
• Guns
• Investigation
• Kansas
• Missouri
• The Injured

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